Isabell

As I’m trying to find inspiration for my final paper for Professor Lank’s class, I find myself sipping on a glass of Pinot Noir, listening to Edith Piaf and casting a glance to the Habs game on the background. They win.

I was reminded of the general focus on winning when entering the MBA program. That’s probably what you get when you put a bunch of professionals together, working on assignments on which basis they are ranked. They are used to a competitive environment. They are used to the everlasting quest to win. Win a deal, win a project, win a squash game, win the promotion. It got me thinking. What is winning? What does it mean? I guess the meaning differs for each and every one of us.

It’s all about perspective. What is winning for one person is losing for the other. Surviving can be winning to one, whereas it’s losing for the other: just surviving, just satisfying the primary needs. And maybe in a family where everyone is a scientist, maybe being an artist would be perceived as losing. To an MBA an academic career might be perceived as a loss. Whereas a PhD might think those managers, neglecting scientific research on management, are losing. Stability might be a loss for one, whereas for another person it might be a gain.

In sports it seems a little bit easier. Whoever has most points at the end of the game, wins. Is it that easy though? The opponent might still think the ref was unfair in his judgment. Hence, he might be of opinion that the win was unfairly obtained. Thus, basically there was no win. So it seems there is a perceptual nature of winning.

The other day during an interview, I was asked “Do you prefer winning?”. Seriously. Is there anyone who does not prefer to win? Is there anyone amongst you who prefers losing? Weird question. “No actually, I prefer losing. Winning is for overachievers”. Hm. Is there a deterministic nature of winning?

Then what is defined as winning at a certain point in time, might be seen as losing later on. Think of the tulip traders, during the tulip mania in the Netherlands many decades ago, when the bubble burst. Or the investors in dot-com companies. Or the investors during the recent sub-prime crisis. They were all winners. Until the tide turned and made them all losers. Big time. So there is a temporal nature of winning too.

If everyone’s definition of winning is different, is it really possible to win? Or maybe you can only win from those who have the same definition of winning as you. But is it really possible to agree entirely on what it constitutes? The Merriam Webster dictionary reveals the following on the etymology of the word winning: “Middle English winnen, from Old English winnan to struggle; akin to Old High German winnan to struggle (before 12th century)”. So maybe winning is not whatever meaning we gave it nowadays: maybe it’s not “to get possession of by effort or fortune” or “to obtain by work”. Maybe winning does not have anything to do with what you obtain, nothing to do with the result. Maybe it just concerns the process you go through: the struggle. Maybe winning entails the roads towards whatever it is you’re striving for? So maybe striving for something is already winning?

But why do most of us want to win so badly? Our society seems to be built around winning. It’s always the fastest, the smartest or the biggest that catch most attention and are regarded as the most important. It was Romeo Dallaire who during his guest lecture in Professor Lank’s Entrepreneurial Leadership class was questioning whether or not we have created our own pecking order. Are some people seen as more important than others? Did they win the contest?

I remember when I was part of the board of our faculty's association at Rotterdam School of Management, we always spoke of “healthy competition”. Because we were the largest association on campus, dominantly present and everybody wanted a piece of our success. We said healthy competition because it kept us sharp and on the ball, preventing us from becoming this big, inert organization in which nothing changed over the years or no change was encouraged. However, competition can become unhealthy at a certain point. At the point in which people will just do anything in order to be labeled as the best, as the one outperforming the others which necessitates comparing. But should we really care if we are doing better than others? Are you doing what is best for you and your surrounding? If so, who cares if it’s better or worse than what so-and-so is doing or has achieved?

In the environment in which I have been the last few years, it seems that winning is something very superficial. It concerns what car you drive, which firm hires you, where your house is and what your holiday destination is. Don’t get me wrong; being in a convenient position concerning the aforementioned is something I would like as well. I mean, who doesn’t like convenience and luxury.

Now that I think of it, during my adolescent years, which I mostly spent with my best friend Mandy-Ann, we were chasing these materialistic goals. Achieving them was a certain type of winning to us I guess. Buying that designer label top or pair of heels, having the newest phone or the hippest bag, going out for dinner all the time, buying rounds when going out. With our parents money (sorry mom and dad). Good times. It’s fine I guess. We were 17, 18. What else do you expect? I say this now, back then I thought I deserved a Nobel prize for my behaviour and view on the world. Although with the years the purely materialistic “goals” fade to the background a little bit and the focus shifts to performing academically and professionally, it still feels the same now and then. Whoever get’s hired by the “coolest” firm with the toughest recruitment process, wins. Whoever gets the highest compensation, wins. Whoever travels most, wins. But who cares. Did you win in life? And are you doing it for yourself or for others to see? Whenever I was caring too much about what others thought of what I was doing, my mom used to say: “It’s not like there’s a line up of people just to see what you are doing with this and that”.

So when it is only possible to win by comparison to others, are you winning or are you comparing. I have the feeling too often we just want to win in order to prove to others that we are doing well.

I do believe it’s a good thing to set objectives and goals for yourself. To have a certain direction and know where you’re heading. But are we neglecting our personal goals? I have the feeling they are less perceived as success factors nowadays. They are put second. I wonder, can you have a kick-ass house, car, resume and job and be happy with it if there is no one to share it with? No one to leave it to?

So besides the different natures of winning, I guess there is also winning on different levels. Winning academically, winning in your professional life and winning in your personal life. You can be the CEO of a large multi-national, and don’t feel like a winner. You can be the student with the highest grades and still don’t feel like a winner. If you don’t feel like a winner on the personal level, do the other two really matter?

I have always tried to set goals as high as possible. I have always chosen for the less easy way. Because that felt like winning. And it made me happy to feel like I was winning. And I don’t regret what I have done and achieved until now. They were all good things. And even though I am glad I did what I did, and chose what I chose, I don’t think they matter that much anymore.

From what I tell about my little sister, many people conclude “you and your sister are very close aren’t you?” That feels like winning. Feeling the unconditional love of my parents, that feels like winning.

Mandy-Ann recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Isabell. We used to talk so much about this moment in life. Although I was not there when she was carrying her, although I was not there when she was born, I know that the second she held her baby in her arms, she knew she won. In a way that made any comparison unnecessary. In a way no one could ever take away from her.

Welcome to the world Isabell. I can’t wait to see you.